It scares me knowing that 2012 is ending.

"I spent the last two days of 2012 with my best friend."

So every 30th of Dec for the past 3 years was spent with the bestest friend ever, ShannonWLW <3

It was such a fun night hahaha. We couldn't stop laughing but our fun got interrupted halfway by Mr Lizard. Called daddy to come and save us haha "DADDY SAVE US GOT LIZARD" "Where?" "ON MY BED!!! IT DROPPED FROM THE CEILING" "But I'm downstairs... eating ice cream.. and I'm scared of lizards." HAHAHA. But he saved us anyway yay <3 Then this silly girl started shouting "SPECIES SPECIES GOT LIZARD SPECIES ON YOUR BED AND YOUR LAPTOP COVER" and I was like wth is species do you mean DNA and she was like I think so but my brother and I call it species!!! Hahaha ok this probably won't make sense to any of you but it's for future references for myself. Right so we continued taking pictures and going crazy and laughing too hard hahaha. Fun times. And this sweetie wrote me a letter while I bathed and I made her hide it somewhere for me to find :') I love how sleepovers with this girl is so nonsense and even if we don't do anything crazy it's still so enjoyable! Love you so much bbg <3

moments

When you describe life, how would you describe it? Would you describe life to be great, unhappy, planned, perfect, or unexpected perhaps? I would say life is a cycle. A vicious, vicious cycle. Teri Tan shared with me a quote just now and it honestly struck a nerve.

"Every moment of your life is lived for the future--you go to high school so you can go to college so you can get a good job so you can get a nice house so you can afford to send your kids to college so they can get a good job so they can get a nice house so they can afford to send their kids to college.”

We say to live like we're dying and to live in the moment, but do we actually carry forward with that? Life is made up of moments, stitched together to form well, life. And every moment that passes, it passes for the future. How else do we progress if we are stuck in the moment, no? If you live in the moment, you would be stuck in the present, stagnant.  There are always things in the future that we work towards. I'm gonna work hard next year for O's, then the year after for EOYs, then A's, and it continues, we never stop working. We are constantly working for the future, towards the future. Even as we rest, we rest for the future. We rest to conserve energy, so that we can continue working hard to attain whatever there is to attain. There is no stop- everything is a cycle.

I think I'm just really scared about next year or really sad about the world not ending. There are so many things to look forward to, so many things to do, but that scares me too. Moments pass, then what? I think I'm just confused.

There's this dull, aching throb that can't seem to go away. I can't stop thinking about 2013 and what it'll bring. I can't stop thinking about what a lousy year 2012 has been because it has been so unexciting. I feel gutted that it's gonna be my last year in SN. I don't want 2013 to come, I really don't.

So.. 2012 is coming to an end. It's crazy. And I am sad.

Lying between my mom and my dad and half watching a movie and half falling asleep makes me feel like I am 5 again. I want so much to go back to being a child. But I guess we can sometimes play pretend too.

I honestly truly hate this holiday so much. Holidays only really started after my Chinese O's which was week 2 of November and even then it didn't really start. Training is from 2-5pm every Mon Wed Fri and as much as I love to train I think it's such a waste of time. I can't go out at all on those days except for dinner (but I will be to drained) so it's like I only have 2 free days in a week. Right now I feel like everything's a reverie because time is passing but it's like I'm stuck. I want to read books and spend time alone or go shopping and eat yummy food but time disallows. Such a wasted holiday. And what really sucks is that I'm gonna be sec 4 next year and I'm terrified. I hate what's to come and I'm not looking forward to 2013 at all.

tears

I guess the moment you truly realise how angry or sad or frustrated or tired you are is when you blink and that one lone tear just rolls down your face, leaving behind a trail of emotions. There are so many kinds of tears. Tears that fall, tears that pour and tears that can't seem to stop coming. It's amazing how much drop of water can hold. It can hold so much sadness, pain, anguish, frustration, anger and loss. But it can also only hold that much. Tears are a funny thing, but tonight tears soak my pillow wet.

Before I leave for the states I met my absolute fav fav fav girl in the world for breakfast and I had so much fun. It was like a really relaxing morning with a few cuppas and good decent food and plenty of laughter. I just want to say how thankful I am for her because she is literally my cupful of sunshine and I love her so much.

I'm gonna miss you the most babs love you a little too much <3 

fts

Played so badly today I can't even. It's so frustrating knowing that I'm capable of much better play and a higher shooting percentage but yet I can't perform. The first quarter was so good with everyone's momentum sky high but the rest was just crap. I don't know anymore lah this is so mentally draining and tiring. Coach said shooters should never have regrets but today I felt like every inch of the court was filled with regret. Knowing you didn't do your best is the worst kind of feeling ever srsly. Feel like such a letdown. 500 shots/week here I come.

But on a much much brighter note I'm flying off to the states tomorrow and I was buzzing with adrenaline that will hopefully come back tomorrow.

bla

Went to Arbite with my fav aunt for a lovely brunch one Sunday.

As I have said before, I can never be a food critic cause everything is "the best thing ever" to me and so I will spare everyone the descriptions ha ha. 

Sea salt caramel pancakes with caramelized bananas  

Matcha Creme Brulee

My Wife's Chocolate Cake

Eggs Benedict <3 <3 <3

Salted Caramel with my babu before we both left for sports trip/ Hong Kong. Everything that night was super funny and we had nice little talks and a great time stalking people aaah love my babe <3 

Shokudo for lunch with Cheryl (Jade joined us for drinks afterwards) before going to SFX for our friends' confirmation. Met up with Yusee and Shanise and took a cab over.

After their confirmation the chinkies headed over to Pow Sing for dinner! Thank you Daddy and Mummy Arriola for the lovely dinner. The food is damn awesome I can't stand it I want my black pepper beef now now now and my fried tofu and fried chili squid aiyo omg :'(

My two angels that got confirmed <3 Love them too much!

MyVillage after dinner for ice cream and photo taking hahaha had a fun time laughing too much and forming pyramids and falling and star gazing. <3

Me: Damn, I'm craving pontian

Evan: OMG ME TOOOOO.

So since lessons ended early on Monday, we made a life changing decision and decided to go to nex to satisfy our cravings. Met Hiro and Bren at the bus stop and we asked them along yay.

Glorious glorious wonton mee. 

Modern egg tarts are the bomb 

Daddy brought us out for dinner during the public holiday. I can't reinforce enough how amazing nights are always made up of good food + good company but anyway my night was really great because of excessive laughing (due to bubbly goodness, maybe) and nice nice food. 

Went home to pack for sports trip and it kinda spoiled my night. I hate packing, period.

Sports trip was fine I guess but I miss the accommodation and food from last year even though the activities this year were amazeballs. Sports trip this year was bittersweet. I guess it's only now that I realise how much I miss having Mr Yeo as a teacher-in-charge because at least he was reasonable and he actually took charge of the team. How to be good and obedient when we don't even have anyone to lead us half the time? Got scolded loads but I guess through conscription we managed to strengthened our bond. As a team though we really bonded a lot and I'm thankful for that, really. I think I miss caving and white water rafting the most and not to forget my lorry + van rides and the lush greenery and being so close to the wild. The rest were pretty meh and the food was gross as compared to usual camp food that I actually really like ha ha. 

I hate feeling like this I really do. Hollowed out and emotional for no reason. Thoughts that can't be unraveled feelings that can't be ironed out. Bloody. Need to get a grip. I just want to hide under my sheets and cry and cry and play dragonvale and cry even more.

I Hate...

1) Feeling like no one cares

2) Looking in the mirror

3) Goodbyes

4) Not getting what I want

5) Myself
6) Not trying my hardest
7) Trying my hardest and failing
8) Disappointing myself
9) Not living up to expectations 
10) Feeling like this

But above all, I hate how some people are born with such good looks and can look so beautiful without even trying. It hurts and it sucks how society judges you first hand based on your appearance. Which is something I can't ever change. Thus I can never be that someone whom people fall in love with at first sight and I can never be that someone whose pictures get stared at and people think "How is she so perfect?" because I was born to look this way. And I can never change that. People always go on and on about how if you're beautiful inside, it will shine on the outside too. That's what people SAY. But not what they THINK. Yes, when you're nice, people tend to overlook your flaws, that's why you appear more beautiful on the outside. But let's face it, when you see someone for the first time, do you see their personality or do you see their outer appearance first? I'm not saying that your looks are everything, I'm not at all. But how you look is important. And unless you go under the knife, you can't ever change that. Which sucks.

“Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who's in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It's like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven't seen in a long time.” 

POST EOYS

So my post eoys life has been pretty crazy. It feels good to be able to not keep track of time for once and just laze around and do nothing. It feels good to go on makan parades and retail therapies and chill out sessions too. 

Went to Chomps for dinner with the chinkies and went over to MyVillage for ice cream at the roof top afterwards. Have a lovely time talking and laughing and eating under the stars. Love them so much really. Don't know where I would be without them. 

So we finally had a full-fledged netball outing to Salted Caramel to destress haha. I miss the team of 12 + 1 but I guess 9 is fine too? Haha..

Went over to the bestie's house and we talked so much it was crazy. Caught up with her and had a great great night. We watched PLL to sleep too!! Hahaha. She got me hooked. 

Shopping + Eating + Talking + Excessive laughing with the gaypalz hahahaha <3

Went shopping with this preedy gal on Sunday. Love her so much haha <3

The netties got special permission to play Water Soccer on Monday cause we helped to pack the stinky PE store and the gym. But we ending up sliding around and playing dog and bone and laughing too much.

I passed SS so mummy bought crab to celebrate hell yeah.

Lunch at little pancakes 

Slept over at the bestie's house again haha love time spent with her. Just lazing in bed and spamming shows is good enough. She needed to do homework so I just laid on her bed and did my own things and fell asleep and when she was done we spammed the entire season 2 of PLL whoop.

Last recess of the year.

It's crazy how quickly the term came and ended. I can't believe it's the end of my sec 3 life. It has been a really crazy year and I feel like it went by a tad too quickly.

Cupcake from Zi Shan (it's the best Red Velvet ever omg) and brownies from Sam (looks are deceiving they taste amazing)

Had lunch at Manhattan with the poppycocks and we went up to the garden to play Set and Mono deal whoop. I was on a winning streak haha.

HELLO CAN EVERYONE LOOK AT HOW PERFECT THE BOYS ARE OMG I CAN'T EVEN MY HEART IS VERY PAIN CAUSE I MISS THEM SO MUCH.. :'(

Had a really awesome sleepover with Vannie on Monday. Ate chocolates and cakes for dinner while watching The Proposal. Skated to the park haha. It was so fun and chill with her that night. We just sat on the swings and talked and blew bubbles. Then I thought her how to pole flip and we got addicted to pole flipping and we couldn't stop. Went home at 11 and watched Prince and Me to bed.

Felt fat one night so I went for a jog and look at how creepy yet mesmerizing the park is at night. I really wanted to pitch a tent and camp there the whole night.  

Mummy finally came home from Germany and she brought home so much goodies hell yeah. Let the fatness begin. 

Was craving crab and cereal prawns so daddy brought us all out for dinner at Master Crab and hell yeah it was amazing. Love love love their salted egg yolk crab aaaaaah <3 

Finally satisfied my sushi cravings haha.

Omg so on Monday before training we all played hide and seek around the whole of level 1. IT WAS SO FUN HAHAHAHA.

Spot Celeste

Me and Rachel (at the back) hiding behind the teacher's car

Vicky and the bricks haha.

Dinner @ The Line with the fam after training haha.

You have no idea how excited I was when I saw the deserts omg. 

Mille Feuille Tiramisu Bread and Butter pudding Carrot Cake Chocolate Ganache Creme Brulee and omgggg everything lah.  

Great food + Gread company = Amazing night <3

Went out with Yusee Cheryl and Jade on Tues after chinese class to get costumes + make up for halloween!!

Lunch at four fingers yum.

I swear we are pigs haha. We seriously grab every opportunity to eat lah whatthe. After lunch we passed by Paris Baguette Cafe and decided to eat cakes. 

After shopping we dropped by Scape and saw Raindrops Cafe and decided to drink hot chocolate and soup. Crazy one hahaha. But it was super fun yay 

And look at my new phone cover aaaah it's the prettiest thing ever.

This was from the night of halloween omg. I walked right through the drawer cause I forgot I left it open. When I lifted up my leg it was white so I thought like just a small scratch. Then I went to the toilet to brush my teeth and it started dripping blood and I realised the white part is my flesh yucks. And during training the ball hit my face and my cheek was swollen and throbbing hahaha and there were cuts under my eye. #BadLuckTuna 

Birthday Dinner @ Strictly Pancakes with my fav babe whoop. We were so funny haha 10 mins into eating our pancakes we were like "Aiyaaaaa I really cannot already omg omg omg" then we ate 2 mouths and took a break and ate another 2 mouths and took another break. It was so yummy but super duper filling omg. 

Lunch at AMK before training and we executed plan: Kidnap Jac and Buy Her a Birthday Present Without Her Knowing

So Teri went to the toilet with her and we spent 5 secs choosing her a present and made payment and stood outside the toilet waiting to ambush her hahahaha. She was touched awwh <3 

Supper at Chomps with mummy and daddy on Fri night. 

Had a carnival on Sat and I played so badly I can't even. I really really underperformed. I didn't have the feel at all and the atmosphere was just all wrong. My shots were disgusting and those that went in touched the rim which was just so ugly to watch. So disappointing yucks. Mr Ang rated me a 4/10 cause I was a letdown but I think I deserve a 2. Reason being cause at least I could move to get the ball and I was an ok GK. But my shooting percentage was crap and my signature spin wasn't even a spin anymore. No momentum at all yuck yuck yuck. At least when I played all 4 quarters during zonals and nationals I felt like I sort of deserved it. Yesterday I played all 4 quarters and I felt like I should honestly just stand there and be the pole. Stupid stupid stupid. Whatever, gonna spam shooting cards and be in top form for the next friendly. Never ever gonna sleep at 1 am before a game ever again. 

Ok but what really made up for it was lunch with all the netties at Old Airport road. Occupied like 3 full tables and had yummy lunch. 

Look at all my injuries ugh. I don't even know how I got the bruise. It doesn't even hurt.